it comes to me when it does (a prayer / an ode)

it comes to me when it does

and I dare not refuse it

it has come like a tidal wave

a sudden whirl that takes me

and leaves me panting at it’s edge

sitting in it’s froth and tasting of salt

it has come like a smooth wind

enfolding me and whispering

shivers across my skin

it has opened itself to me

like the lilacs in the young heat of Colorado

whose sumptuous bouquets

draw my eyes

and whose sweet perfume

i cannot escape nor resist.

it comes to me when it does

and I do not refuse it

I know that when it comes

I have been given a precious gift

and I know that eventually,

it always comes.

it comes to me when it does

so i no longer wait

i no longer see this as reason

to abandon

it’s practice.

I practice it

regardless of its arrival.

I come to love

hands full or empty

body adorned or plain

alone or with company

I come to love each night

in the fullness of my despair

or the ordinariness of my contentment

I come to love

so that when it comes

and then leaves

i am not left in need.